Writing 200 Blog Post 6 - Drive

What do I want to do with my life?

This is a question everyone is expected to think about, and to some degree answer. I've certainly spent my share of time on it while trying to decide where to go to college and what to study, as well as in the year I've been in college—during which I've changed majors twice. But I never seem to find or even really approach an answer.

I admire people who are here for a reason, maybe one they've known for years. Whether they're my fellow English majors last year who seemed far more driven to find a spot in the field than me, or our sworn enemies the STEM majors, who typically have a far more direct path from college to career. I wish I had this mentality, but I've never experienced it.

Nevertheless, I've always had the sense that somehow I'll find my way after college. It's wavered from time to time, but never dissipated. I can't say whether this is misplaced ego or a healthy level of self-confidence. Either way, it helps my mental state. Maybe that's okay.

Or maybe it's not. Should college—and life—be evaluated on a cost-benefit basis? There's merit to the idea, though my gut tells me no. Even if my priorities aren't related to the things money can buy directly (I've never been one to fantasize about having seven cars or a house too big for a dozen people), there's something to be said for the security and the time that it allows for indirectly. If I had a million dollars right now, I don't know that I'd be happier, but I'd be under less stress. 

Then again, a person can have a career direction without being hyper-focused on money; the aforementioned English majors, for example, especially those who still want to be novelists and playwrights and journalists. The world needs those people, and I respect their drive. 

I suppose what I want to know is if having these enormous overarching life goals will actually increase my quality of life. If I attain them, will I be content? And if so, is that contentment better than what I have now? Is this contentment or settling?

Maybe I'll figure it out someday.