Purpose statement: This letter will imitate the style of Ted L. Nancy to complain about an absurd and practically nonexistent issue. I do not know why.
Dear Nike,
Thank you for your response to my previous letter requesting a line of shoes to be worn on the hands. I understand the confusion, as revolutionary ideas like this one can be controversial. However, I must ask that you revisit the idea.
As a distance runner at the collegiate level, I spend a lot of time on the track. While I appreciate the comfort and support that your shoes (particularly the Pegasus) provide for my feet, my hands have become raw and blistered from galloping on all fours around the track. When I race, I feel like my hands aren’t getting the same traction as my feet because I don’t have spikes for them.
I think this is a big problem with your product lines, and you could make a lot of money off of shoes for the hands. It’s an untapped market of millions of hands just waiting to be shod. (And if you don’t think hands need shoes, just look at horses—they’re way faster than me. Why? Because they have four shoes.)
If you don’t want to partner with me to create this product, I will begin my own independent development of the line. I will make hand-trainers, hand-spikes, even hand-flip-flops. I will expand into other sports, and athletes will wear my gear instead of yours because of the unique comfort I provide for the hands of my customer as they prance along the court, field, or pitch. I will dominate the sportswear market and send your executives crying into a hedge. You have been warned.
Best wishes,
Aidan Arthur
Hi Aidan!
ReplyDeleteThis is hilarious! I think you absolutely nailed imitating Nancy's humor, the request is just outrageous enough. I also love your horse rationale. You must be right. Overall, great post!
Hi Aidan, I must admit I had never thought about the problem of having shoe-less hands. I have often seen the track and field team running around on all fours, but never gave a thought to their poor hands. I agree that this has potential to be a very lucrative business. May I suggest that you avoid making Crocs for hands- as that has already been done. Otherwise, I wish you all the best in your brilliant idea.
ReplyDelete-Clara
This is the absolute greatest!! Thank you so much for the joy this fine day!!
ReplyDelete-Timothy
Hi Aidan,
ReplyDeleteThis is hilarious. I loved it. Your letter is true competition to the original. On a slightly more serious note, I like how you created a professional letter with all the earmarks of passive aggressive undertones. The ending was a nice touch. Great job, it was well written and a good laugh.
-primbloggins